


Hot chocolate, Cold snow

by Nej_Illjuna



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fireplaces, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Fun, Hot Chocolate, Insomniac Bang Chan, Late Night Conversations, Lee Felix is a Confident Gay (Stray Kids), M/M, Mountains, Short & Sweet, Snow, Soft Bang Chan, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29166711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nej_Illjuna/pseuds/Nej_Illjuna
Summary: Felix can't seem to find sleep at his friend's chalet for their fun vacation. Jisung snores, the sheets are itchy, and Chan won't leave his mind."Because the situation with Chan was comfortable, their *relationship* was comfortable, but spending all that time with him in an environment so different from what he was used to made him lose touch."
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	Hot chocolate, Cold snow

Felix got up from his bed with his mouth dry as sand. It was a lost cause. Maybe he could have found sleep in another life, one where he was in bed with a pillow that didn't break his neck, with blankets that wouldn't make him choose between grating his chin on braided nettle fibers or slowly die of hypothermia, and most of all, one where he didn't have Han Jisung exposing his breathing issues by snoring in his ear like a lighthouse attracting morphea's ship to his open mouth.

He had tried, he had failed, and he deserved to go drink something.

Discreetly, he slipped out of the double bed in the guest room, closing the squeaky door behind him as he left the premises without worrying too much about the noise. If Jisung could sleep with the noise he was making, he would survive it. The dark corridor he was now in was barely visible, a flickering glow at the end of it letting him guess the contours of the walls. Changbin must have left the fireplace in the living room lit for the night. It seemed dangerous and unconscious if you asked him, but then again, he wasn't the one with a designer chalet big enough to invite a bunch of teenagers and all their ski and snowboard equipment, so really, who was he to judge his ways. He probably just happened to have really good smoke detectors.

Dragging himself to the kitchen required only a few lazy steps, his slippers rubbing silently on the glossy floor. He was stuck in one of those uncomfortable states where the body is exhausted, yet the mind refuses to sleep. All his muscles were suffering from the cumulative aches and pains of the last few days on the slopes, the dazzling powder so omnipresent that it had managed to burn Jeongin's face, leaving a pale mark around his eyes like a permanent reminder of his sunglasses. Everyone had told him to wear sunscreen, though. Judging from the agonizing cries in the shower when they returned, he now regretted thinking he was stronger than the sun.

Felix turned on the hood light, preferring not to burn out his retina with the main bulbs that made him feel like he was in the middle of a sports stadium, with the blinding spots attacking his eyes. A hot chocolate would be nice. Comforting, warming, giving a semblance of reason to his nocturnal wanderings. He wouldn't have gotten up for nothing. He could even make a real one, a proper one, with real chocolate. Also, it would keep him busy.

He set off to explore the cupboards, quite familiar with their contents. Since their arrival for the vacation, he had always taken part in the meals, with a rotation of his assistants. Cooking was just a hobby, and he wasn't very good at it yet, but it was better than leaving Hyunjin in charge. Oil jumping out of the pan should not be a reason to propel himself against the opposite wall with a shrill scream and then collapse on the floor. A sigh almost escaped him, thinking back at the incident. Those fried eggs had been an ordeal.

Unfortunately for him, there was not a trace of chocolate other than a packet of Kinder Bueno, and he wasn't going to melt it. Shattered by his defeat, he resigned himself to taking out the cocoa powder. A luxury chalet in the Alps with an integrated sauna, and not even a cheap knock-off chocolate bar lying around in the drawers. Again, he didn't complain about what Changbin was offering them graciously, but his family should seriously reconsider their priorities. Shaking his head, he took a cup out of the dishwasher.

One spoon, two. And then one more. Or two.

Pulling out the milk, Felix let his thoughts drift. Still, it was very nice of Changbin to invite them over for the vacation. He complained here and there, but mostly because he was tired, and never out loud. Honestly, those few days with their group of friends, alone on that snowy mountain, was like one of those experiences that last a lifetime, an indelible memory of his youth, of who he was at that moment of his life, of who he loved.

Who he loved.

He froze for a second, the bottle of milk barely straightened after it had done its duty. The moment passed, and he pulled himself together, putting away the mess he had created on the counter. Of course, he loved everyone in his group of friends. But there was one he loved in a slightly different way. That's probably why his face appeared at that thought rather than their whole gang. He had always known that this love was not the same as the love he gave to others, and it was so natural, he had never questioned it. There were all his friends, whom he loved like brothers.

And then there was Chan.

It was comfortable, he thought to himself as he stirred his hot chocolate which was more at the stage of cold chocolate than anything else. Chan was special to him in many ways. It wasn't something he tried to hide or something that made him panic at the slightest sign of affection. All he did was receive his kindness, his gentleness, his smiles, take him in his arms when times were hard, read his massive texts sent at three o'clock in the morning on great philosophical thoughts forgotten in the morning. Everyone knew that Felix gave him privileged treatment, including Chan, just as everyone knew that Chan looked at him with stars in his eyes, including Felix. He had heard hundreds of echoes of the praise he sang for him, when he didn't say it to his face. They'd been together at Twice concerts, shouting fanchants, their hands tied shaking their lightstick in rhythm. They had slept together, huddled in Seungmin's leather couch after a long evening, using each other as cushions. They even had that moment that always gave him butterflies, when after a few too many drinks Chan huddled in the crook of his neck to kiss him gently and he caressed his hair back.

Yes, Felix loved him in a very different way than the others.

He took his spoon out and put it in his mouth to clean it briefly, the bitter taste making him wince. He still had to guess how much time to put on this microwave, whose black magic had left him perplexed throughout their stay. These devil's machines were unique to each house and never worked the way one would have wished. After a few seconds of intense reflection based on his past experiences, he decided on a time and was rewarded with a humming sound accompanied by a yellowish light exposing the slowly spinning cup. If he was careful enough, he could open it just before the timer alarm woke everyone up. All he had to do was focus.

Which had been quite difficult to do for a while, if he had to be honest. Because the situation with Chan was comfortable, their _relationship_ was comfortable, but spending all that time with him in an environment so different from what he was used to made him lose touch. Being familiar with his smile, a little lopsided, hadn't prepared him to see that same smile as he walked out of the sauna shirtless and shiny. Watching him play a musical instrument was one thing, seeing him do a flip in the air with his snowboard was another. If Felix had to find words to define his problem, he would probably say that the young man had become difficult to ignore. It was hard not to protest when the room allocation of a rock-paper-scissors game had prevented him from being with him. It was hard not to get a touch of irritation when people asked for his number at the bottom of the tracks. It was hard to let go of his hand when he took it. It was hard not to gravitate towards him. It was hard not to think about him.

Hit with a flash of lucidity, he opened the microwave on the fly, a fraction of a second before the dreaded beep. With a sigh of relief, he took out his cup, testing the temperature at the end of the spoon. A little too hot, but he could wait. Sitting in the living room, looking out through the giant bay window replacing an entire wall, and enjoying the warmth offered by the fireplace seemed like a good plan to wait. He turned off the light, taking a few hesitant steps with his free hand stretched out to feel his way to the living room. He was beginning to regret leaving his phone under his pillow, a flashlight would have been useful. Eventually the distant glow of the flames became visible again, and he relaxed as the force with which he squeezed the cup diminished.

The living room was by far the most impressive room in the entire residence. Vast, with the bay window looking out on the darkness of the night slashed by heavy snowflakes disappearing as soon as the dim light failed to touch them, the stage framed by perfectly cylindrical logs and a wooded roof leaning at an artistic angle making the space even larger. On the floor, a thick, rustic but soft carpet in red and gold tones, large enough to encompass the leather sofa adjacent to the red brick fireplace, with a solid wood coffee table in its center.

And a dark shape that suddenly turned towards him.

Felix yelped in surprise, his cup almost spilling over the priceless carpet with his startle as Chan lowered his shawl so that his head could be seen.

"Oi, Felix," he said with a big smile. "So that was you in the kitchen !"

"What are you doing in the dark playing ghost, oh my God," Felix gasped, holding his chest with his free hand.

"I was just getting warm," he smiled innocently. "Sorry I scared you."

He was sitting in front of the fireplace, leaning against the coffee table for maximum warmth without breaking his back. In the end, perhaps Changbin had extinguished the fire on his way to bed. A mental apology for slander later, he forgave himself. Calming his heart that was convinced he had just entered a slasher movie where they were all going to get slaughtered one by one (Minho first, and IN last, for reasons he had already discussed many times), he decided to join his friend.

"Let me guess," he said, sitting cautiously next to him, determined not to stain the carpet. "Insomnia ?"

"You know me so well," he smiled again, opening his cloth cocoon to invite Felix to come inside.

He did so without thinking, sliding once or twice to the side until he gently hit the side of his chest. Chan folded his arm around him, covering him with the shawl while leaving the cup free. Felix felt his shoulders relax as he touched him.

"At least it's not for studying until noon," Felix said, blowing on his hot chocolate.

"Ha, this... it won't happen again anyway," he laughed in a strange tone, maybe a little sad, maybe a little bitter.

They stood in silence for a few seconds, watching the logs burn in flames. Felix tilted his head until it landed on Chan's shoulder, and Chan pressed his cheek against the top of his skull.

"It won't be the same without you," Felix whispered, a little strangled by all the words he would have wanted to say, the words he hoped he could hear.

"Yeah... I'm going to miss not being able to... you know, hang out with you all the time. Studying late at night with you to motivate me."

"You had to graduate sooner or later."

"Mm-hmm."

Felix took a sip of his chocolate, burning his tongue a little. Those were platitudes, because no one knew how to approach this change. This trip they had been promising each other for all these years was probably their last trip together. And even if Chan had missed his year, someone else would have finished the following year. That was just life. School life is one thing, working life is another, and things don't necessarily transition well from one to the other. Different schedules. Different places. Different friends.

"I don't want you to go," said Felix quietly, thinking of more than just his university.

"Neither do I," he replied in the same tone, taking his free hand and stroking it with his thumb.

He wanted to make him promise to keep visiting them. To come to all their parties as if he was with them the rest of the time. To always send him messages at night when he was thinking about too many things and needed to express himself. But that wasn't how things worked in real life. Forcing someone to participate, making promises you can't keep... That's not the way to save a relationship. It was a bit of a lottery. Maybe everything was going to stay exactly the same. It probably wasn't. They'd all been through enough together to know that, if need be, they would always be there to help each other. He knew that this bond he had with Chan was not so fragile that it would turn to dust at the slightest gust of wind. He also knew that distance and time were formidable adversaries. It was so comfortable with him, but he had no guarantee that it would last much longer.

"Can I have a taste ?" Chan asked, pointing to the steaming cup with his chin.

"Careful, it's hot," he warned, bringing it to his lips.

Chan let go of his hand to better align the drink with his lips, taking a sip. Felix watched his Adam's apple go up and down with the movement.

"I wanted to try to make a real hot chocolate, but I couldn't find the ingredients," Felix lamented. "Sorry if you were expecting something better..."

"No, it was good," he smiled, as usual.

It had been so easy to be distracted all that time. Enjoying his presence, his joy, everything that made him so incredible, overshadowed his fear of the future. But this time they were alone, they were silent, and it was harder to pretend that everything was okay.

Even though he didn't let go of the cup, Chan didn't seem to be particularly eager to drink again. His hand was covering his, so small in comparison, and it was hard to decide which side of his skin was receiving the most heat. Eventually Chan gave up his grip, letting a cold draught wake up his fingers. He was already missing the contact. The childish thought of taking his wrist and forcing him back went through his head for an instant. But, that was the idea. He couldn't force him.

"The view here is something, isn't it ?" Chan said, looking out of the bay window at the snow that piled up at the corner of the structure.

"It's a little more impressive when it's daylight and you can see the mountains," suggested Felix, taking a sip himself. Sweet.

"Mmh. I don't know, I think it has its charm like that too. Kind of, like..."

His gaze was lost in the dark frame, the surrounding nothingness sliced through by swirling snowflakes, the glistening snow slowly degrading in the darkness into an invisible mass. The more Felix stared at it, the more he expected to see a menacing silhouette emerging from the woods he knew were nearby. Sheepishly, he got a little closer to his friend.

"As if we were in a cocoon, safe from everything," he finally completed. "There's a snowstorm outside, and you can't see anything, but here it's warm, I can see clearly, and I'm safe. That's comforting, don't you think ?"

Felix took a few seconds to consider the question, tightening the shawl a little around them, the cup not particularly warmer than the rest of his body against his own. A cocoon.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. I still have the feeling that a serial killer is going to run up to the glass as soon as I look away though."

"Aw, don't worry Felix, I'll protect you from the forest monsters !" he laughed, his eyes sparkling.

He grunted, pushing him with shoulder without much conviction. He couldn't defend himself as much as he would have liked, especially when he knew he would be totally capable of actually doing it. Of course, Felix was trained in martial arts, he would be objectively better at defending himself, but Chan was just the type to always stand between danger and his friends. The arm around his shoulders pressed him against his chest, the hot chocolate threatening to spill over at any moment with his bursts of giggles.

"Don't be grumpy, come on, show me those cheeks !"

"Hey, stop treating me like a kid !" he protested, unable to hold back his smile.

"I don't treat you like a kid, I treat you like my little Lixie~ Oh, look at that smile~" he sing-songed, pinching his cheek.

Felix tried to bite his hand, only to see his attacker's laughter intensify, a satisfying result in spite of everything. Chan finally let him escape, taking instead the cup whose contents had been splashing around dangerously for a while and putting it in front of them.

"Let's put it there. Binnie will kill us if we're not careful."

"You're going to kill me," Felix grunted, holding his cheek as if he was badly injured.

Chan turned his eyes to him again, his smile a little too close to his own lips. His gaze swept across his face, his hand slipped under his small one to caress his cheekbone with his thumb.

"You dare to say that to me when I'm dying a little more each time I see these freckles ? If there's a killer here, it's you."

Felix opened his mouth, closed it without much idea of how to respond. Naturally, it wasn't the first time he had made this kind of comment. Whether he was there or not, whether it was three words or three paragraphs. But this time, maybe it was the way he said it, or their position, or just their environment... in any case it sounded different. Instead of saying words that could never speak properly in his place, he gently tilted his head in the palm of his hand.

"It's crazy, when I think about it," he said in a low voice, his thumb sliding from one freckle to another, tracing an invisible constellation. "I've never really been interested in freckles before. They bring out your beauty and you bring them out in return, I guess."

"Will you miss them ?"

The question had escaped him, and he already regretted it. But Chan, to his surprise, shook his head.

"It's not in my plans to see them less often."

"Will you really be able to follow this plan ?"

Chan's eyebrows frowned, only a few millimeters of confusion, or worry, or something softer.

"Felix. I'm not going to leave you."

"But you-"

"No, Felix," he called him more firmly, directing his face so that he could look him in the eye. "I won't leave you behind. I will never leave you behind. Certainly not for a non-issue like this."

Felix remained silent for a few seconds, his insecurities continuing to lurk beneath the surface despite the absolute honesty he saw in front of him.

"Of course, you're saying that now," he pushed out, hesitantly.

"You think I'm just going to snub you next fall ? That I'd leave you like that ? You don't trust me to stand by you ?"

The gleam of pain in his eyes raised a burning wave of shame in him. Panicked, he shook his head, slapping himself a little on Chan's hand.

"No, it's not that, I know, I'm more..."

He looked down, desperately needing to express himself clearly, at least this time. He licked his lips, nervous.

"I'm not afraid that you'll leave us behind and that we'll never see you again," he tried to explain, unsure of himself. "I know you'll make an effort to stay in touch and... well, that's not even the point..."

A little lost in his own speech, he took a deep breath. The situation was comfortable, but maybe he had to change it if he didn't want to lose everything.

"I feel like we have something special, something that could become more than that, and I'm afraid that this distance will ruin everything."

Chan froze for a second, then started stroking his cheek again.

"Would you like that ? For it to become more than that ?"

Felix looked up, crossing his unreadable gaze. He felt like a boat on top of a wave, ready to tip over into the void in front of him.

"I've been imagining it quite a bit lately," he admitted weakly.

He had started to talk as comfortable as he had always been with him, but this sentence came with a whole new sense of anxiety. He felt like he knew where he was going, but the wave was so high, he wasn't sure there was any chance he wouldn't crash into the water in the end.

"Well, that makes two of us," Chan shrugged, smiling a little nervous, and Felix's heart glided gently over serene waters.

"Wow, who knew having a boyfriend would be so easy," Felix joked, the tension leaving his body.

"You could have just asked, it's not like I would have said no," he replied rolling his eyes.

"True, but I like it better that way," he smiled, looking away to hide his joy.

Chan began to laugh, pushing his face against his own to force him to come back to his side.

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left my great love alone to languish ? Huh ? Do you still think I won't stay by your side ?"

Felix was struggling without much conviction, held firmly in place by the muscular arm around him anyway. Normally he would have said something to shut him up, but this time he had a new weapon, and he was determined to use it. Grasping his collar, he stopped fidgeting and aimed for a gratuitous kiss, pushing his lips against his. Chan had a surprised squeak - which Felix took as a clear victory - before pulling himself together and hugging him tighter, his hand on his cheek running down his neck. It was warm, he felt safe and secure. A bit like this chalet in the middle of the snow.

Melting into the kiss, Felix let himself be carried away by his feelings. The softness of his lips, the strength of his arm around him. He moved back to sit on his thighs, tangled a little in the shawl and his foot hitting something.

His blood froze in his veins.

"FU-"

The characteristic sound of a cup hitting the ground made Chan understand why their kiss had suddenly stopped.

"OH NO-"

Felix threw himself backwards to raise the cup as quickly as possible, wedging himself instead in the fabric cocoon and slamming down on the ground. Chan, just as stuck, managed to crawl fast enough to save perhaps a tenth of the liquid. Already breaking free, Felix planned his sprint to the kitchen to reach the paper towel, or sponge, whichever was closest.

"Don't let him touch the carpet !" Felix cried out, almost hysterical. 

"Hurry up !" he shouted, definitely hysterical, using his arm as a desperate barrier between the growing puddle and the priceless cloth.

And really, when Felix thought back to that moment, he could have cursed that hot chocolate for ruining his first kiss with Chan, and almost have him sell a kidney on the black market to cover up the damage.

But he had given their lips a sweet taste, and for that, he could forgive it.


End file.
